Oh, college. The glory years. The years where you can be a slut, get way too drunk, and puke in a public park and go (mostly) unshamed because, fuck it, it’s college. But you know what else happens when you first go to college? THE FRESHMEN FUCKING FIFTEEN.

(Or as I like to call it, the fff.)

Long gone are the days when you had 3-hour volleyball practice to keep you cut paired with the metabolism of a fickle young teenager that eats 5 Baja chalupas at 2in the morning and still wakes up with a flat stomach. Oh no. You’re an adult now. So with adulthood comes a fun as hell Freshman year, a beer belly, minor responsibility, and acne you thought you stopped having when you were 12 but comes back because you keep falling asleep drunk and with all your makeup still on.

"Ahhh I thought college was supposed to be all fun!" you shout in to the void.

How do you avoid this dreaded fate that sounds as if it were straight out of a Stephen King novel, you ask? Well I’ll tell you, sweet child of mine. As someone who suffered from the fff herself, then lost it (plus more), I have some ground rules.

So here are my rules for staying healthy in college without giving up all the fun of college.

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